Some funny quotes.

It is obvious that people in different countries have different opinion about what is a joke or a funny quote. Some people have a sense of humor, others do not have it.

Today I found many so-called funny quotes. I decided to present some of them to you and see if you like them.   

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.  

Mark Twain

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
Emo Philips

A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him.
Mae West

A woman drove me to drink, and I never even had the courtesy to thank her.
W.C. Fields

Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.
David Brent

All animals are equal but some are more equal than others.
George Orwell

All the things I really like are either immoral, illegal or fattening.
Alexander Woollcott

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
Mark Twain

Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed.
Winston Churchill

Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.
Woody Allen

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Benjamin Franklin

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